Raising Confident & Independent Children

We recently received a question from a parent concerned about ongoing challenges there child is experiencing with independence at school. So we thought we would share some coaching tips to help.

Many children experience similar situations, so if you are in this situation, know you are not alone.

Parent Question: x age (6) had some sessions with Happy Confident Kids last summer to help with his confidence, which were great & greatly eased x anxiety about school.

x has developed a strong reliance on one particular friend, impacting choices around lunch – from selecting the same meal and entry time to even mirroring when they eat and finishing. This desire to be constantly in sync is also influencing morning arrival at school. The school is aware of this and has begun implementing support strategies. In response to this specific situation, we wondered if you have any options that we could look at to help with this particular issue?

Author: Coach Laura Dumbleton-Jones (Award Winning Trainer and Kids Coach)

Firstly, it's encouraging that the school is already involved. This behaviour can often indicate a need for stronger self-belief. We can help kids to nurture inner strength by showing them the way through our own actions and equipping them with skills for life.

Empowering Your Child's Confidence Journey

Navigating the complexities of childhood friendships and social dynamics can be tricky. When we observe signs of over-reliance or co-dependence in our children, it often points to an underlying need for stronger self-belief and a broader sense of security. The wonderful news is that we, as parents and caregivers, have a powerful role to play in nurturing that confidence and fostering healthy independence.

Here’s a fresh perspective on supporting your child, drawing on practical tools, family practices, and the power of our own example:

✨ Shine a Light on the "Glimmers": Glimmers are the tiny moments of joy in everyday that often go unnoticed. By actively pointing them out and sharing them, we collectively train our brains to focus on the positive, fostering a more resilient and optimistic outlook. Want to learn more about this impactful practice? Explore our dedicated "glimmer seeker training" resources for a deeper dive. Ready for a daily dose of positivity? Click here to sign up for our Daily Glimmer Seeker reminder.

🧍 Be the Role Model They Need: "Monkey See, Do Monkey": Our children are astute observers, constantly learning from our actions and words. Modelling the behaviors we want to see in them can hugely help them:

• Model Positive Interactions: "My neighbour was outside watering her flowers, and I really like her colourful roses. So, I told her, 'Your roses are so pretty!' She was happy I noticed and told me all about how she takes care of them. It was interesting to learn something new just by talking to her about something I liked." (Showing the positive outcome of speaking to someone new based on a shared interest.)

• Show Positive Self-Talk: Let them hear your internal dialogue when facing challenges: "This is a bit tricky, but I know if I take my time, I can figure it out." Keep it simple and relatable for a young child.

• Show Confidence in Action: Talk about your own small wins and how you approach new situations with a can-do attitude.

🎉 Celebrate Your Difference: For example, “At work today, my friend James did his report on the computer really quickly. I like to take my time and write some of my ideas down on paper first. It takes me a little longer, but that's how I do my best work. It's good to do things in a way that feels right for you." (Highlights the value of individual approaches and self-acceptance.)

🛠️ Equip Them with Confidence-Building Tools: Our individual and group sessions teach kids (4 to 18) skills for life of all ages. If your child has attended our sessions, encourage them to practice the tools before they are needed, e.g., confidence hoop, mindful breathing.

• The Power of "Be Your Own Best Friend": Teach them to speak to themselves with the same kindness and support they would offer a dear friend. Positive self-talk is key to building self-belief.

• Mindful Breathing: Finger Breathing is one of our favourite tools. When we master this, it can help kids (and us!) find calm when needed.

• 💪 Power Stance: This is a great introduction to helping kids step into confidence. We have recorded a video that you can use to teach yourself and your kids this technique (fake it until you become it!)

🌱 Nurture Independence Through Connection:

• Encourage Extracurricular Adventures: Clubs and sports, like tennis or martial arts, offer fantastic opportunities to develop skills, build confidence, and form new friendships independently.

• Support a Variety of Friendships: Facilitate playdates and interactions with different children, helping them understand that having multiple positive connections is healthy and enjoyable.

• Open Conversations About Friendship: Discuss the qualities of a good friend and emphasise that friendships can come in many forms.

🛡️ Resist the Urge to Rescue (Empower Instead): While our instinct is to protect our children, constantly stepping in to solve their problems can inadvertently hinder their ability to build resilience and self-reliance. Be their safe harbor, but allow them to navigate challenges and learn to problem-solve. Let them know you believe in their ability to figure things out.

To further support you on this journey:

Register for our daily "Glimmer Seeker" reminder and find out more about how you can become an official glimmer seeker. Doing this will put you in the best place to support others.

Want to dive deeper? Explore our Parent Training program and empower your child's confidence. [link to register interest]

By combining these strategies – focusing on the positive, modelling the way, equipping them with tools, and fostering their independence – we can empower children to navigate their social world with greater confidence and self-belief.

Important Note: The advice provided here offers general guidance. Please remember that every child and their circumstances are unique. What works well for one child may not be suitable for another. It's essential to consider your child's individual personality, developmental stage, and specific situation when implementing these strategies. For personalized support tailored to your child's unique needs, you can register your interest in 1-2-1 coaching.

Have you experienced similar co-dependence with your child? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below!